The Daddy Issue
Published on

1. Pondered Parenthood


Welcome to the very first Daddy Issue. When you're queer, pondering about parenthood sometimes feels like a step too far into a pool reserved for the heteronormative. The older you get, however, the harder it can be to avoid. First, all your friends get engaged, then married, then kids - ticking off those "life goals" one by one, while you try and figure out why your cactus is wilting. For one, can cactus even wilt!?

For me, telling my partner Kevin that I was curious about the realities of becoming a father felt a lot like coming out of the closet. We'd never talked about this before… while at the time of recording our interview together we were comfortable discussing parenting together, getting to that point was a slow, and daunting journey filled with many questions and void of any answers.

What if it tore us apart? What would our parents think? What would our families think... what would our friends think? Simple things a straight couple can likely mostly avoid to us felt like huge obstacles. Sure, straight people may have to make the ‘choice’ of becoming parents, but when you lack the biological components necessary to procreate without external help, you really do "choose" to become a parent. People have been more than happy to dismiss my interest in parenthood as a phase, or simply something gay people don't do. Some of these people have been close friends, colleagues, and even fellow members of the queer community.

Luckily for me, Kevin is an open-minded and honest person. We began discussing our options sensitively. At times it felt like walking on a tightrope towards each other... ask one question that is too "serious" and perhaps you'd lose your balance and fall into the abyss of "you should get a dog". The problem was, we simply lacked the language and knowledge we needed to talk about parenting. We weren't taught it in school, we didn't see it in the media... we knew queer people were also parents, but the how was shrouded in mystery. This is how The Daddy Issue was conceived. No pun intended.

Photo of Connor and Kevin

Connor (L) and Kevin (R) enjoying a rare weekend away together, oblivious to the fact they’d be spending the next 12+ months together in lock down

In this week's episode of The Daddy Issue we address the issue of parenthood head on, and try and figure out where we are right now, how we got here and where we are going to. We discuss our families, finances and ponder what problems we could face as an interracial couple... how easy is it to access egg and sperm that matches your ethnicity if you aren't white?

If you're beginning to back away right now - wait! This podcast isn't just for queer people who want to have kids. This podcast is for everyone, regardless of gender identity or sexual orientation. This podcast is about the endurance of family regardless of circumstance, the trail blazing queer people and allies who come together and build families. You may not be queer, or interested in parenting in the slightest but I promise you you'll learn something from this show and you have the power to help normalise queer families by knowing more about how they come to be in the first place.

In next week’s episode of The Daddy Issue LGBT parenting expert Sara Coster will be introducing us to all of the options queer people have when it comes to starting a family.


Links to information regarding UK parental leave:

Links to information regarding The Dutch Child Benefits Scandal: